Normally I’m the kind of person who values and even demands good service when dining out, something that is occasionally hard to find in a country like Thailand. And who could blame a poor waiter or waitress for not giving a shit about the fact that your jim jum soup has a fly in it when they work 12 hours a day with two days off a month for less than AUD$250 (per month, not per week). But there’s one place I go every week where the service is rotten, rude, and occasionaly bordering on psychotic, yet I go back for more every single time.

I’m talking about a bar on Sukhumvit Soi 3 called Bamboo Bar. It’s a big dimly lit pool hall with a central bar and a stage for live bands (The lead guitarist of the resident band, an old guy who was a famous muso in Thailand in the sixties, is reported to have seven wives, despite polygamy being outlawed in Thailand – he has the King’s blessing to have them though). In one corner of Bamboo is a little booth that makes and sells pizza by the slice. This is where “She” can be found.

“She” is Khun Moon – the antithesis of every generalization known about Thai women – that they are soft, feminine, shy creatures who will do anything to please their man. Obviously Moon skipped this part of Finishing School for Young Thai Debutantes, as she’s coarse, abrupt, short tempered and generally not to be fucked with. But there’s something about her that makes me laugh, even when she’s waving an eight-inch long meat cleaver under my nose and yelling at me in Tinglish “pizza ready when it cooked, NOT BEFORE OK?!!”.

Just last week I was waiting ever so patiently for my slice, when a hirsute german stuck his balding, sweaty head through the window and said “two pieces!”. With a wit as fast as her carving knife she replied with “Two piece what? Two piece pizza or two piece me? You think I read your mind? No, I just stupid pizza maker! You tell me what you want now!” She thrust her knife under his chin and wide-eyed he managed to spit out “whatever you want to sell me, its ok…” before sliding back into the darkness of the bar. I’m not sure he was game enough to collect his order.

Khun Moon might be Thailands answer to Seinfelds’ The Soup Nazi, but she makes a brilliant pizza (the best by far in Bangkok IMHO), she’s a laugh a minute and makes an exciting change from the usual blank stares you get from other street vendors. I think I’ll add her to The Tour™. Just remember, if you do stop by Khun Moon’s for a slice of pizza, don’t be in a hurry, because the pizza is ready when it’s cooked, NOT BEFORE OK?