Further to Tuesdays’ bathroom bedlam I thought I’d share some more valuable cultural insight into Thailand, specifically regarding their toilets.

Exhibit “Number Two” below shows the device in question, namely the “Bum Gun” (the hose on the left of the picture) which is widely in use throughout the country. It’s basically a portable bidet that you use to destroy the klingons instead of using toilet paper.

I’d never been quite game to have a go at using the bum gun, worried that I wouldn’t be able to aim properly and end up spraying water everywhere but[t] where it was intended. Though come Wednesday I still had a dose of the tom tits and had run out of loo paper, so the bum gun got its first trial. Cool, refreshing, and oh-so-easy on the back door, I’m almost hooked.

However the pressure from my bum gun at home is probably strong enough to peel paint from the walls, so if you’ve got a case of the “Gomer Pyles” I highly recommend caution and restraint before use.

Other expats I know have suggested the following additional uses for the bum gun:

• using it to power-clean your teeth after you brush in the morning
• good for getting the sand out from between your toes after a day at Pattaya
• splashing the cat if it comes too close
• cleaning vomit from the bathroom floor after a heavy session the night before.
• when washing your hair, put your head over the bowl and spray gun for fast shampoo removal
• refilling your evian bottle when empty – apparently leaves a ‘cheeky’ aftertaste.

Not so sure about the last one, but the environmentally friendly bum gun has a new convert in me.