The Chip Fairy
Last night my friends C, L (names changed to protect the inebriated etc) and I went along to the Metro Theatre to see Scottish noise merchants Mogwai perform live.
Before heading into the theatre the lads decided to grab some KFC (eatin's cheatin', boys!) while I sat patiently avoiding the temptation to pig out with them, but after five minutes of waiting I was visited by the Chip Fairy.
The Chip Fairy was a homely young lass who'd ordered a little too much food and asked if I wanted her chips. Well how could I say no? I started hoeing into the large box of fries, all the while thinking what a wonderful stroke of fortune to be given free chips! "I shall never forget you, Chip Fairy!" I called out to her as she left the store.
But then it struck me! "Wait a minute..." I thought to myself. What if she's a chip spiker! Maybe the Colonel's secret herbs and spices are masking some rohypnol that she'd cunningly sprinkled into my chips. In a panic I threw away the box and held my breath, awaiting for any tell-tale signs that my fries had been spiked.
Blurry vision - check.
Slurred speech - check.
Dry mouth - check.
"Oh shit, I've been spiked!" I thought as I waited for the inevitable paralysis and/or seizures to begin. "Calm down, Robbie" I said, "this isn't the first time you've had unknown quantities of strange chemicals in your system, you can make it". But of course there was no Fantasy in the fries or Ketamine in the KFC. I was simply "greening out" from the cigarettes and tequila I'd imbibed earlier.
Anyway we got to the gig, found a good spot to view the band, and proceeded to have our brains smashed against a wall of sound for 90 minutes. This is what it sounded like.
Holy Fuck. Sublime. Lucky I wasn't on drugs. o_O